Chloe the Existentialist

This isn’t so much a fan fiction as it is a brief writing experiment. I thought to myself, “What would Chloe write in her journal? If you flipped it to a random page, what would you find?” So, here’s what I’ve imagined her writing. I enjoyed making it, and I hope you enjoy reading it. And for extra fun, imagine the voice of Ashly Burch.

(Be forewarned: in keeping with Chloe’s character, this contains very strong language/very strong sarcasm.)



Another day in Shithole, Oregon. Sure, it may not look like a shithole — if you’re a tourist. If all you see is Blackwell Academy and our quaint collection of local diners, you might assume it’s a good place to live. It’s not the worst place to live, but there’s not much to do here but eat, work and die — live so you can keep on eating, eat so you can keep on living, and for what? The further enrichment of rich old Prescotts hedged behind a wall of revenue thugs. The old have money and power. All we have is the Internet — the cry of a generation, I suppose.

I’m sick of this town. I’m sick of these people. Most of all, I’m sick of unanswered questions. What happened to Rachel? Does anybody wonder? Does anybody care? What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to live? Is there anything that won’t go away in the end? Ha, look at me ― Chloe the existentialist. Could have gone to college, been a bullshit philosophy major. Instead, I’m smoking pot in my bedroom. Oh well. There are worse things to be than a pothead. Like a bullshit philosophy major.

You know, I’m such a good person that I hate pretty much everything. These days, you kinda have to hate everything to be a good person, ‘cause everything sucks. Not just the Arcadia shit, but the school shit, and the news shit. God, I hate the news shit. That’s all David talks about when he isn’t lecturing me. It’s always “PC-liberal bullshit” this, and “PC-liberal bullshit” that, and “Dem liberals are screwin’ up the cunt-ree!” Though to be fair, what passes for leadership now is pretty sad. We may as well stop having presidents.

Fuck the man, fuck the wars, fuck this lame-ass fuck of a president who likes to bomb people with drones. Fuck school, fuck the Prescotts, and most of all, fuck YOU for knowing it’s all wrong but not saying anything, for saying it’s all wrong but not doing anything, for doing things but not actually helping people. FUCK YOU, whoever you are.

(In other news, I didn’t know Archive was so good. Not my normal aesthetic, but damn, if I didn’t play the hell out of You All Look the Same to Me. “Need” is so good, I could loop it forever.)


So, what’d you think? I’d love to hear your feedback.

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