Hey my lovely friends, Gatsu here <(^_^)>! Sooo I’ve wanted to write a personal story about myself, Life Is Strange and this wonderful site which I’m so happy and proud to be part of. Thanks to Ross’ wonderful blog, it inspired to do mine also. I apologize if my English is sometimes off. I appreciate it if you read it all, as I haven’t written something like this before….
I’m not sure where to start… I’ve always been a shy and unsocial person. I’ve enjoyed living alone, but I wouldn’t say I’m always lonely but sometimes I feel like it maybe. When I’ve thought about it, this all is because of what happened to me in my school days. When I was in elementary school, I used to have some good friends and one best friend. Life was happy and I enjoyed going to school a lot. I think I was around 9 or 10 years old, when things changed for some reason. Our class used to have these couple tough kids a.k.a. bullies, one of them was worse than the other and well they decided to target me for rest of the elementary years. I don’t know was it because of my height or just being a more quiet person than others? Because I grew pretty fast and my height made me different from others. Anyway it sucked and it went from verbal to physical bullying later. I was sometimes afraid going to school. Of course teachers didn’t do much to stop it. I got used to it during the years and just tried to be strong, pretending what they did to me didn’t bother me, but of course it did and left me scars. I enjoyed spending every day with my best friend, we used to play games, spend a lot of time outside etc.
Things changed a lot when I moved on to, hmmm is it called junior high school in English? 7th-9th grade. Those same bullies happened to join the same school as I did and it continued there too. I get it that even bullies might feel bad and is the reason they do it, but still I wished everyone would get along well instead of having to experience that. I found some new classmates, some were good and kinda fun to be around with, but sometimes they made fun of me also and because of all the shit that happened before, I kinda took it hard. Even though I didn’t mention about it much, it all still hurt. Worse thing about these years, was that my best friend had moved to other city and began his 7th grade there. We were 13 years old. So I couldn’t see him daily and spend time with him…
So I felt like I was alone, even though I did meet these new classmates, I just always had a hard time to become friends with new people again. I survived the years and went to high school, when I had no idea what I wanted to do. Stayed there for one year and dropped out to change into different school type. It wasn’t because of bullies this time, but too much reading wasn’t for me and grades hadn’t been super good for me, because of all this stuff that had happened to me. It was hard to focus on studying. New school was called career college I think and I found it easier. Although there were some new douchebags in our class again and even few of the teachers belonged to that bully-type of genre. I felt like it never ends. Anyway, I graduated from there eventually after 3 years. Me and my best friend stopped having contact during years. I don’t know why exactly it happened. But similar to Max, it just became a lot harder to keep in touch, the longer I didn’t call or see him.
I made 2 new friends in career college, whom I happened to push away after it was over. I was very sad to do it and cried, but I guess I had built this wall around me and I just have had a really hard time to let people get close to me. I was depressed although I tried my best not to show it. I’ve been kinda alone for many years and got past my depression. Luckily I got my sister, brothers and parents that have been there for me.
Discovering unforgettable games and Life Is Strange:
Yeah I was still in elementary school, when my dad bought us Play Station 1 in 1998. Along the years there came so many amazing games, which I loved to disappear into during the hard times. Some games like Metal Gear Solids, Final Fantasies changed my life, changed me as a person and how I viewed life. They have special place in my heart. Fastforwarding to 2012, there came the trailer for Metal Gear Solid V. I had never hyped a game more than that. I spent 3 years chatting with my fellow brothers in a metal gear fansite about it and all kinds of stuff. It was very memorable and I still visit there daily, especially because I was made a mod in there.
It was in 2015, when one member there showed me a small gameplay vid of a game called Life Is Strange. I think it didn’t look very special to be honest, it just had this girl walking around and old dude climbing ladders with a paint bucket. I hadn’t seen the trailers for LIS at all. Then in September, MGSV released and once I had finished it, I was disappointed. It didn’t pack the emotional punch or ending as other games had given me. Couple months later, Steam had the usual Christmas sale. I saw the super high positive reviews for LIS and was like wow, this might actually be really good. So I gave it a shot and it became the most emotional game ever to me, them feels is what I love most about games.
Life Is Strange and how it changed me:
December 28th was when I started blind playthrough in LIS. Right away when Max entered the hallway, the beautiful song To All Of You started playing and I thought… “oh damn this game is going to be something special.”I didn’t expect at all how good it would be. I loved it from that very moment, seeing Max reunite with his best friend Chloe, all the emotional moments got me so addicted. Episode 1 ending blew my mind, Max confessing all the stuff to Chloe and then my favorite song Obstacles starts to play <(T_T)>. I cried so much and cried so much more through the story. LIS totally absorbed me into the world, I could relate to Max’s and Chloe’s relationship a lot, because of how I lost contact with my best friend.
Max’s shy personality… seeing her getting bullied and Kate too. It all hit very much close to home. I couldn’t sacrifice Chloe when I made it to the end, because I didn’t want to lose my best friend again and Chloe feels like a real one. She is done so well. I decided to try the other ending on 2nd playthrough, because I wanted to see all of LIS. I regretted it right away though. Once the cutscene started, I couldn’t stop the tears… I don’t think I have never before cried so much. Not even when in my grandmother’s funeral couple years before. Which is strange, but I think it just shows how much I truly care about the story and Chloe… I finished LIS and cried, while others were shooting fireworks to celebrate new year, wonderful way to end a year haha.
I believe all that crying was good for me, letting all those emotions out. Experiencing LIS gave me more courage, because I saw how much Max changed in the story and how strong she is, even with all the shyness inside her, she never gave up. It has made me more open and made me find a lot of amazing friends in Steam community. LIS made me be start drawing again, which used to be my favorite hobby in school days like 8-10 years ago. I just truly wanted to make some special art for it and I think this was good chance to see if I could still draw, recreating the Berserk drawing that I did in school. I am very grateful for that, because I love drawing again. It made me start reading fanfiction. Hell, it even made me start to use facebook lol, more skype chatting and discord too. Also something that I never thought I would do, is streaming games. But few weeks ago I tried it and is kind of a great way to come out of this shell, to get rid of the shyness and it feels good. Ohh, also Obstacles is my most played song now and is my alarm song also lol, Syd Matters ftw <3. That song is so beautiful.
How I discovered my dearest family in the net, the best community called LISFans:
Some weeks had passed, since I first time finished LIS. I hadn’t gotten over the story and still think about it every day. I wanted to see more of Max and Chloe. I had the habit of checking Steam community forums and in February this dude named Chris appeared there. He shared the info about a website that would welcome all fans of LIS around the World, to collect all kinds of stuff of it into one place. I thought that they idea was really wonderful! I told him to stop by and made an account here soon after. Unfortunately, I didn’t stay active for very long. After meeting so many friends from LIS fanbase in Steam, I returned there to chat with them and get to know them and more kept coming. During the months, I thought of stopping by here but once again didn’t stay for long even when Chris greeted me and few others. I guess I wasn’t sure if I had a place here, or what to say to others.
Then came July (I think), and decided to check up on the site once again. Suddenly I noticed in the public chat, that there were so many more fans, amazing fans greeting me and saying nice things. I thought that these guys are so amazeballs and funny, guys like Harp throwing puns all around, every other member, admins and mods being just so welcoming and chatting about all sorts of cool stuff. It was all so heart-warming.
So I decided to join it the chat and there has not maybe been a day since then, that I hadn’t visited here. I realized it was the place I was looking for all this time after all. Different from any other place I’ve been at. Stopping by in this site makes my day and seeing all of you here. Yeah I don’t have really friends outside my home, except co-workers which I sometimes hang out with. But… you’re all my friends, my best friends I could have and I am soooo happy to have met you all. Seeing you all share arts, fanfics, music, stories of life, personal things, jokes and just noticing me and not being assholes like those from my past makes me feel blessed. Not to forget all of these cool contests which are made here, it’s all so amazeballsy wowsers. Couple weeks ago I also stumbled upon my girlfriend here from another country, who is such a wonderful and beautiful person, I love her. I never expected to meet someone like her, especially in a freakin’ fansite haha. But we’ve been chatting daily since then and are planning to spend news years days together and to have further meetings.
Bullying clearly left me some deep emotional scars since younger days and made me spend time alone, playing games. I’ve moved on with my life, although sometimes the memories come back to me. After LIS I thought of trying to contact my friend, but didn’t do it after all, because it has been so damn many years. Although it might be great to see how he is doing.
I’ve been hurt, but because of my past experience I’ve always tried to be nice and friendly to others. I don’t want anyone else to feel what it is like to be bullied.
I’m so happy and want to give my huge love and thanks to creators of LIS at Dontnod, for this most emotional gaming journey I have ever played, that changed my life for the better. To Hannah Telle, Ashly Burch and all the other voice actors for bringing it alive in the best way.
For last, my hella biggest thanks and love to Chris <3 for the hard work of creating this magnificent sanctuary where I enjoy being so very much. To Mai <3 for your beautiful and incredible work you always make for the site and contests also. To every other mod for superb job in this place. Just to all of you in LISF really <3…. being with you during these months have been so special to me and I’m proud to be part of this community. You all make me smile and laugh. I’m glad that I came back here and makes me wanna cry when I think how beautiful place this is. I had gotten used to being alone, but I dont feel that anymore. Instead I found my home in the net with lots of lovely friends and having a place to belong to like LISF feels fantastic. It would be great to meet you all one day if we make that con happen :). You guys are the best, like a family and I love you so damn much!
If you happened to read all of this, I thank you ;).
- ~Best regards, Gatsu