She’s a Drug
Heartbeat, I can feel her heartbeat… right next to me. Next to me. So close, so close our heads are touching. Soft blue hair… so soft… I remember, I helped dye it. She laughs, then I remember the movie… that’s why I’m here. Chloe invited me over to watch a movie… so watch the movie… not her. I can’t. She has me utterly spellbound, transfixed… hypnotized. She knows… she knows I like girls… we both do. She just doesn’t know the girl I like is her. I hate keeping this from her, Chloe is my best friend. ‘Best friend, dumbass. You can’t fall in love with your best friend. It’s against the rules’. Well, fuck the rules, I think. Arguing with yourself like an idiot, Idiot. Suddenly she turns to me and smiles, “What’s that look for, thinkin’ ‘bout your girl?”. I nod shyly, “Yeah”. “Still not gonna tell me who it is?”. I nod again. Chloe wraps her arm around me and pulls me closer, “Just promise that we’ll still be best buds when you do fess up your feelings”. I hope we’ll be more than that, I think. I continue to watch her, watching her lips… her soft lips. At least, I’d imagine they’d be soft… they look soft… probably taste soft too. ‘God, Max, rein it in already’. But she’s right there, right there in front of me. So easy to just lean over and kiss her. Would a kiss be enough, do I want more? Sex? No… not now, not yet… maybe. My heart rate picks up when she turns to me again. So close. Her eyes give her away, she knows. She knows it’s her I like. She always did. I look at her lips and she looks at my eyes. She looks at my lips and I look at her eyes. We move in. Heartbeat faster, faster faster. So close. Our noses brush up against each other. I can feel her breath, warm and inviting. We hover there for a moment; heartbeat faster; lingering until I can’t take it and we’re in full-blown lip-lock. Explosion. Fireworks. Bells. Everything is happening so fast. Kiss. Lips, soft, warm. I was right. Hands, in my hair, around me, on me, pulling me closer,closer. So close. Explosion. Fire. Fire. Choke. Choking. Air. Alarm. “Max”. Pressure. Alarm. “Max?”. Echo. Echo. Smoke. Air. No Air. Can’t breathe. Fading, fading. Eyes wide open but fading. “Max!”. Black. Dark. Darkness falls. End.
Kiss. Awake. Light filtering in my closed eyes. Water. Wet. My face is wet. I look up. I see the ceiling. Cracks. I’m on the ground, Why. “Max?”. My name. My name is Max. I sit up, “Chloe?”. She’s there beside me. Pale. Scared. “You passed out,” She says. I rub my head, “Passed out?”. “Yeah,”. She hugs me, nuzzling my head in the crook of her neck, “ I thought I hurt you”. “No,” I mutter. I knew that wasn’t it. I knew. “You just kinda flopped over after kissing me”. Wait. Hadn’t I imagined it? The kiss? The pulling? The need, the need the need? Maybe. “I had to splash water on your face to get you to come to”. Oh, that’s why I’m cold. Wet. Damp. I shiver. “It’s cool”. I shiver again. Not from the cold. From her. Her. I did it. Relief. I kissed her. Such relief. The relief was too much, too overwhelming. That’s why I passed out. We pull away and blush. God, I love her. God, do I love her. Chloe smiles, “Was that your first kiss?”. I nod. Worth it. Worth every second of it. Chloe smiles again,” God, what took you so long?”. Why did it take me so long? Was I scared? Afraid? No, I’m proud of my feeling for Chloe. Why did it take me so long? Loss. I was afraid. Afraid of losing her. Losing you, is my reply. The risk was just too high… I couldn’t take it. I-I couldn’t risk a reject. Reject.Rejecting Me. Me. “You won’t lose me,” She says. I believe her. I’d believe anything she tells me. She kisses me. Soft. Soft this time. Slow and sweet and warm. This is real. This kiss and the kiss before. Real enough to make me feel alive again. So alive… so real. A drug, I think. She’s my drug and I’m addicted to her. Her. Her and her alone.